Ayako and I just got back from Maifest in Lincoln Square, Chicago’s German enclave. Beer in disturbingly large steins was quaffed. Melt-in-your-mouth soft brats were consumed. Children cruelly forced by their parents to don lederhosen and dance the polka in front of hundreds of drunk people were watched, mocked, and pitied. Most importantly, the eternal question was pondered: do the Germans call them Maifest (which takes place in June) and Oktoberfest (celebrated in September) because they’re using an older calender, or are they just too drunk to care?