This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Yesterday my co-worker Chris came up with a brilliant idea for a website. I won’t say what it is for fear of skulduggery, but we were excited by the possibilities. On the bus home, we briefly discussed it. Then we discussed how successful it would be. Then we discussed how there would probably be a movie about its success, a la the upcoming David Fincher movie about the creation of Facebook.

Then we realized the plot would be a Ran-esque story of manipulation, betrayal, and revenge. There would be blood, tears, and emasculations (mostly metaphorical, perhaps literal) and we would end up destitute with naught for our efforts but broken dreams and bitter, dumb rage.

In the space of a few hours, we went from thinking, “hey that’s a good idea for a website,” to “I wonder if they’d cast Matt Damon as me in the movie?” to “what kind of evil bastard stabs his friends in the back and steals their money like that?”

This is why we can’t have nice things. We just end up making them Shakespearean.


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  1. Intrigued am I. If you need a woodsman for your secret project, I’ll be wearing flannel on some mountain path, sharpening my ax. Or would a blade-wielding, ice-cream eating Chicago expatriate simply add to the bloodshed?

    In truth I have no ax nor do I have any ice-cream. But an interest in following my old classmate’s plans to (inevitably destroy the world or) start up a website? Have that in spades.

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