The Greatest Rivalries Never Fought

I have nothing substantial to say today, so I thought I’d throw a philosophical puzzle your way. Everybody makes a big deal about certain rivalries. Duke Vs. UNC. Yankees Vs. Red Sox. Giant Squids Vs. Sperm Whales. Lions Vs. Tigers. Titanics Vs. Icebergs. Ninjas Vs. Pirates.

I’m bored with all of these. We need new rivalries. Rivalries that have not yet occurred due to nature’s stupid insistence on differing ecosystems or history’s stupid insistence on the passage of time. Rivalries that we human beings were put on this earth by God specifically to make happen. Why the hell else do we have YouTube, if not to see this?

Great White Shark Vs. Cheetah

Kitten Vs. Goliath Bird-Eating Tarantula

Black Bear Vs. Snow Leopard

Deep Southerners Vs. Residents of the Pacific Northwest

Gorillas Vs. (unarmed) Guerillas

Vikings Vs. Cheetahs

Astronauts Vs. Ninjas

and, of course,

Astronaut Ninjas Vs. Viking Cheetahs

C’mon world, let’s make this happen!



Add yours →

  1. I humbly submit for your approval…

    Hegelians Vs. Bikers

    Tromboners (hehe) Vs. Green Peace

    1984 Vs. 2001

    Amazon (the company) Vs. Amazon (the rainforest)

  2. 1984 vs. 2001 is brilliant. Which reminds me…

    Stanley Kubrick Vs. George Orwell (my money’s on Kubrick)

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