I have nothing substantial to say today, so I thought I’d throw a philosophical puzzle your way. Everybody makes a big deal about certain rivalries. Duke Vs. UNC. Yankees Vs. Red Sox. Giant Squids Vs. Sperm Whales. Lions Vs. Tigers. Titanics Vs. Icebergs. Ninjas Vs. Pirates.
I’m bored with all of these. We need new rivalries. Rivalries that have not yet occurred due to nature’s stupid insistence on differing ecosystems or history’s stupid insistence on the passage of time. Rivalries that we human beings were put on this earth by God specifically to make happen. Why the hell else do we have YouTube, if not to see this?
Great White Shark Vs. Cheetah
Kitten Vs. Goliath Bird-Eating Tarantula
Black Bear Vs. Snow Leopard
Deep Southerners Vs. Residents of the Pacific Northwest
Gorillas Vs. (unarmed) Guerillas
Vikings Vs. Cheetahs
Astronauts Vs. Ninjas
and, of course,
Astronaut Ninjas Vs. Viking Cheetahs
C’mon world, let’s make this happen!