Your Life As the 20th Century

My 30th Birthday is but days away, which has gotten me all introspective and crap. In lamenting the loss of my roaring 20’s, I came to realize that the 20th Century, decade by decade, bears a pretty staggering correspondence to the human life cycle, at least as it was lived for much of said century. As so:

oo’s: Everything is new and exciting, and you start to discover the world and its endless, shiny possibilities. Airplanes! Cars! Movies! Whee!

Teens: A grueling, nightmarish fight against the whole world that you naively, self-indulgently, and melodramatically believe is the fight to end all fights. But it gets so much worse.

20’s: Roaring, drunken debauchery that ends with great depression. You have a lot of ideas that you’re sure will change the world. You also get really into, like, German Expressionist Cinema.

30’s: A decade spent getting over the dreams and ideals of your 20’s, tightening your belt and learning to live with what you’ve got. You start to regard oranges as candy.

40’s: At your job, all the B.S. you thought you left behind in your teen years comes flaming back, only now much, much worse, with much higher stakes. You fight the Battle of the Bulge. You lose.

50’s: You settle into a comfortable routine and try to drive away anything that makes you question said comfort or routine. You dress conservatively, but well.

60’s: You take a lot of drugs.

70’s: You take even more drugs, but they don’t seem to help anymore. You can barely even dress yourself now.

80’s: You sense the end is near and become reactionary, dreaming of your comfortable 50’s and demanding the world return you to them. You take comfort in shallow, escapist fare.

90’s: You go senile. It’s pretty peaceful.

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6 Comments

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  1. i refuse to ever see oranges as candy.

  2. i can only imagine the holy hell of lara’s introspection come May.

  3. ps. i like the dark turn your blog took this afternoon.
    pps. yes, pirate. though i am looking forward to the picnic party!

  4. that was an enjoyable post… I just turned 30 too. Life is over.

  5. One sure way to ward off the dreariness of your 30’s: https://www.wmalumni.com/store/view_product.asp?id=491619. That’s right, it’s a SCARF! And it’s PERFECT for your loved ones who love W&M. Good God. Is it just me or is that a completely depressing “update” from our alma mater?

    I love this post, but I think one step you forgot was the blinding idealism of the last couple years of the 60s, when revolution is on everyone’s lips; the 70s will be better, once the revolution is over! Followed by the depressing haze and disillusionment that makes up the late 70s… Funny how we repeat cycles, too, right? Only, it seems like we went from 00s to the crash of the 20s this time in about 8 years (2000 – 2008). WHAT’S WRONG WITH OUR GENERATION???

  6. Check out my blog and help me accomplish my goals. I post about my story as it happens, no BS or anything just pure info and I post about the real world and concepts I make up.

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