Deep Thoughts about Cat Pictures

I’m reblogging myself from my own brand-new tumblr. Somehow this feels unethical, but anyway.

A few days in, and I’ve already realized that tumblr is the greatest single archive of cat pictures ever assembled. Greater than the Bast Archives in the Library of Alexandria. Greater than the illuminated pantheras scrolls in the Abbey of Kells. Greater than the animated cats on plates looming like vengeful gods behind Imelda Staunton’s head in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Maybe that’s why we’re really here, humans. To archive photos of cats. So when James Cameron’s blue alien cat people emerge from the gloom beneath the stars to conquer us, their gleaming laser weapons poised, they will see tumblr and show us mercy for they are cat people and we are people who love cats so much we used the greatest invention in our history mainly to share pictures of cats and also masturbate, or else they will slaughter us and ravage our earth, but hold precious our memory and upfuck it into their organic planet-memory brains and billions of light-years from now the memory of our kind will linger among them like the flicker of a wind-buttressed candle on a darkened steppe. And the entire 50,000 years of human existence will be contained in the single image of an unhappy-looking calico cat wearing a conical birthday hat and that will be enough.

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